letting your love show
by theredqueenofprima
Summary: Daltonverse. Five times Julian let his guard down around Logan without him knowing, and the one time Logan finally caught on. Julian/Logan.


**letting your love show | daltonverse**  
>julianlogan with mentions of past logan/blaine and one-sided logan/kurt**  
><strong>_Five times Julian let his guard down around Logan without him knowing, and the one time Logan finally caught on._

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Julian or Logan. They're property of the lovely Ms. CP Coulter. I also don't own Blaine and Kurt, they're RIB's. I also don't own Love Show by Skye, the song in which the title of this fic comes from (and also based around on).

* * *

><p>The first time it happens, Julian completely knows what he was doing so he wasn't really worried about Logan catching on. Blaine and Logan had a particularly messy spat and the Stuart Prefect was back to being his unstable self. He honestly didn't want to do it but what can he really do? He just wants Logan to stop sulking.<p>

It was easy enough to corner the Windsor boy. The tricky part was trying to make him see sense.

"Julian, don't," Blaine told him fiercely as he pushed past the actor. He clutched the strap of his book bag tightly as he tried to walk faster but it was no use. Julian had longer legs thus taking longer strides than he did.

"Look, I'm not going to try and validate what Logan did," Julian started as he kept up with Blaine's pace easily. "Even I know that it was sort of a dick move on his part." To be honest, Julian didn't really even remember what the two fought about. All he knew was that he needed to fix it and he figured that the best way to do that was to assure Blaine that he wasn't at fault here. "But Logan's a mess."

Blaine had stopped walking when he heard that, pursing his lips slightly. "_Good_," he muttered angrily, though it wasn't very considering his eyes flickered slightly the moment he said it.

Julian was almost disappointed at how easy this was going to be.

"You don't mean that," Julian said softly but surely. Blaine raised his eyes in surprise, opening his mouth to protest but shut it promptly, figuring there was no way he could deny it. Julian let out a soft sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. "Look, just take your time thinking about it. Are you really willing to lose Logan over one little argument?"

Blaine's expression was unreadable but Julian could see the hard glint in his eyes softening slightly. His shoulders dropped a bit as he walked past Julian. "Look, I'll just see you around Julian."

After a few days, Blaine turned up in Stuart House apologizing profusely for, to quote him, "_acting like a complete idiot_". Logan, on the other hand, vehemently denied that and insisted that he was at fault here. Julian fought the urge to roll his eyes at them.

They were both soon locked in each other's embrace, causing Julian to scowl angrily at their entwined forms. But when Logan looked up and smiled, Julian easily composed his face into a perfect mask.

The look on Logan's face implied that he might've known that this was all Julian's doing. But that was impossible, so Julian just let himself to believe that Logan was just happy that he and his hobbit were back together and the pleasant feeling in his chest extended to his friends. Logan would remain oblivious, as he always would.

Feeling the smirk on his face falter slightly, he gave Logan a curt nod and walked off to his bedroom.

He broke down the moment the door closed.

* * *

><p>The second time he lets his guard down, Logan was medicated so it wasn't really a big deal. They were so much more pleasant to one another when the prefect was medicated.<p>

It was just after Logan and Blaine broke up. Julian had barely settled down – he had just returned from a shooting – when he heard the news. He had immediately sought out Logan, trying to make sure that the prefect was alright. Derek was still out practicing so no one else but Julian had the guts to check up on Logan.

He was surprised to see that not only was the room _not_trashed but the room was relatively quiet, aside from the random melody that Logan was playing on his keyboard.

Julian didn't think it was wise to pry, so he just settled down next to Logan, expecting the blond to push him away. But he didn't. He just tilted his head to the side, as if contemplating if he liked the company or not. After a few moments, he didn't say anything and had probably decided on keeping Julian around.

They were sitting side-by-side on the piano bench. Logan suddenly stopped playing, let out a loud sigh and – much to Julian's surprise – leaned his head on the actor's shoulder.

Julian tensed immediately at the sudden act of affection – Logan was never affectionate with any of his friends, rarely making physical contact with them aside from friendly pats on the shoulder and the back - but instantly relaxed because it sort of felt good.

"Thank you," Logan murmured quietly. Julian raised an eyebrow as he glanced down at the blond, silently urging him to elaborate. "Thank you for not saying I told you so."

Julian sighed at the tone of Logan's voice. He sounded so tired, so defeated. This was not a battle he ever wanted to win. No matter how much he was infuriated when Logan was dating Blaine, this wasn't really something he could ever wish on Logan. He couldn't bring himself to enjoy the break-up because Logan got hurt. A lot. And as much as he _did_want to say 'I told you so', he could never bring himself to. Logan was already going through enough without him being an insufferable ass.

"Were you…" Julian paused for a moment to lick his dry lips. He swallowed a little, ignoring the lump that was quickly forming in his throat. "Were you expecting me to?"

"Are you going to say it if I say yes?" Logan asked in a small voice.

Julian didn't know how to respond to that. So in a form of response, Julian did something he never thought he would ever have the guts to do. He gently brushed his hand against Logan's forehead, almost like an assurance. It completely came out of nowhere, and by now Julian was sure that Logan was going to kick him out. Instead, Logan just made a noise of contentment, the sigh escaping his lips causing shivers to run down Julian spine, and made no snarky comment about how unusually pleasant Julian was being. He just imperceptibly – well, at least to anyone else because Julian most certainly noticed – leaned into Julian's touch, as if the contact calmed his heart.

Julian was grateful.

* * *

><p>The third time he did, Logan was sleeping. Julian was barely awake at that time, barely coherent, so he couldn't be held accountable to his actions.<p>

The three of them fell asleep in Derek's bed after a particularly grueling study session. Julian could vaguely remember Derek falling asleep first, announcing that he had enough formulas in his head for the day and promptly collapsed at the foot of the bed, an arm over his eyes. After a few seconds, Julian could hear Derek's breathing evening out – a sure sign that the other boy had fallen asleep.

Julian and Logan were sitting next to each other, a respectable distance between them but next to each other nevertheless, but the actor could barely think about their close proximity because he was having difficulty understanding one part of the material that his English exams would cover.

He must have fallen asleep before Logan because when he stirred, he was lying down on his side, a blanket draped over his body. He glanced down at Derek but saw that the other boy was still in the exact same position he was in when he fell asleep – the only sign of life being the steady rise and fall of his chest. Logan was clearly the one who grabbed the blanket from the closet.

Julian rolled over to his other side and caught sight of Logan. He frowned a bit as he saw the position the prefect was in. He was half-sitting, half-lying against the headboard and his neck was bent at an uncomfortable angle. If the slight crease on his forehead was any indication, it mustn't have been very comfortable. A notebook and a textbook was still on his lap, and in his hand was an uncapped black ballpoint pen – smearing ink on Derek's covers. Well, Derek won't be very happy about that.

He carefully knelt down on the bed and set aside Logan's school materials. He had a little trouble prying the pen away from Logan's hands, slightly grazing the blond's fingers with his own along the process. It was even more difficult trying to maneuver the other boy's body in a comfortable position so he could sleep in peace. He froze when Logan rolled onto his side, reached out and grabbed his shirt with his other hand, murmuring something unintelligible along the way.

"Yeah, _yeah_, okay Lo," Julian murmured, gingerly disentangling Logan's fingers from his shirt. He let out a sigh of relief when Logan seemed content with his answer – what the hell did he say anyways? – and promptly released Julian's shirt before rolling onto his back.

After making sure Logan was comfortable, he grabbed the blanket that he was curled in earlier and covered Logan's tall frame with it. Without ever really thinking about it, he dropped a light kiss against Logan's forehead unknowingly mirroring Logan's past actions when they were in Siegersons' house in the Hamptons. Thankfully, Logan didn't stir at the contact, only muttering something unintelligible before staying quiet again and snuggling deeply under the blanket.

Julian chuckled softly at that as he settled back in his earlier position and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

><p>The fourth time it happens, it was completely unintentional. He shouldn't have stayed. He should've walked away the moment Kurt came into the room. His intention was done. It was over. He didn't need to stay.<p>

But he had to watch. He had to see what was so special about this boy, this boy Logan was so enamored with. He had to see how Kurt could possibly fix Logan when he was so broken beyond repair.

And damn, _did he see_ - did he _hear_.

He watched, transfixed, as the two singers sang together – voices rising high and blending perfectly. There was a certain raw emotion to Logan's voice, emotion that pierced through Julian's heart in its intensity. He couldn't control the way his legs took him inside the choir room, needing to be _closer_and _closer._

He had always known that it was Hummel who was going to fix Logan, but he didn't expect it to be this…_impassioned_. He knows Hummel loves the hobbit but he had _something_ with Logan. A connection. It might not be a romantic one, Julian was sure of that, but it was still there.

It was that connection that caused their voices to twine together and rise up in that powerful crescendo. He wanted to look away, he _needed_ to look away but he couldn't move. It was so mesmerizing. Julian could barely breathe because his chest was constricting so much. How could it be this painful? He knows he's being masochistic but his body just _won't_move. It was forcing him to stand there, stand as Logan completely unraveled himself for this boy. He watched as Logan completely _bared_out his soul for Kurt to see.

He felt like he was going to be sick.

_Breathe, Julian,_he instructed himself. _Breathe._

The moment their voices faded into an echo in the room, Logan's face lighted up as he stared at Kurt. The other boy didn't say a word, just completely stared at Logan as if he was surprised at what they had created.

There was a buzzing noise in Julian's ears and he could barely make out Medel asking them if they wanted to sing that song at Regionals. Julian didn't even know it was possible but Logan's face just_brightened_up even more. He wasn't grinning ear to ear, that would have been a strange sight, but there was just something about the way he just looked that was _light_ – as if a load had been lifted off his shoulders.

Julian knew that his emotions were showing bright and clear on his face – the amount of pain he felt made it impossible to mask his emotions that well – but the moment Logan looked up, he could feel his features arranging themselves into that particular knowing Cheshire-like smile.

And somehow, Julian knew that there was a trace of authenticity in his smile. It hurt like hell seeing Hummel fix Logan so easily, but the fact of the matter is, Logan was fixed. Well, at least to the point of productivity again. There was still that possibility that Logan will malfunction again – and to be honest, Julian doesn't think that possibility will ever disappear - but right now, in this moment, Logan was okay.

And wasn't that all that matters?

* * *

><p>The fifth time it happens, it wasn't just around Logan. It was in front of their entire little Glee club.<p>

He had vowed to himself that he will never listen to this wretched song ever again – how could he ever compare to what he heard a few days ago? – and now here he was, being forced to sing this song with Logan as his duet partner.

He knows that he could've said no but that would only lead to more questions, questions he didn't want to answer, and he knew that it would quickly escalate into a fight. And Julian was in no mood for any more fights at the moment. Not when they were half-pleasant to each other most of the time since he came back.

But he was now quickly rethinking his decision as he sang this stupid song with Logan, the song that hit too close to home with its equally-as-stupid words. It was taking all of his willpower to not scowl and cross his arms across his chest but he knew, based on the reactions of the Warblers, that there was something about his expression that was _off_. His façade was faltering.

Julian was surprised to find out that he didn't care. This was the one and only time he would ever let his guard down with Logan fully conscious. This was the one and only time he was letting himself be careless.

Because it hurt hearing the way their voices sounded, knowing that it wasn't the same. Knowing it didn't sound the way Logan wanted it to sound. Knowing it would never hold the same meaning it held when Kurt and Logan sang it together.

He was allowed to let his guard down right now.

Besides, none of them could ever understand what it meant. For all they knew, Julian didn't want to be here because he didn't find them worthy of his time. Julian wasn't about to dispel their assumptions. He let them think what they wanted to think – he didn't care.

When the duet was over, Julian glanced over to where Logan was. The prefect gave the actor a curt nod, as if he was recognizing the fact that Julian gave up his precious time to sing this duet with him. Julian pursed his lips and nodded back, fighting the urge to clench his fists, as it was all he could do at the moment.

He refused to meet Logan's eyes because he didn't want to see the absence of emotion in them, of how singing that song with Julian did _nothing_for him when it was emotionally tearing Julian apart. Because Julian saw that light, when Logan sang that duet with Kurt in Warblers' Hall, even if he was still slightly in his medicated haze and he didn't want to find another reason to start hurting again.

He didn't let himself dwell too much with the issue because if he did, well, even the Warblers will be able to catch on. And he really didn't need that right now.

* * *

><p>The time Logan finally caught on, it was when the media exploded with rumors of him and Cameron. They were all entirely fabricated and his publicity team did their best to do damage control. It was already too late because Derek and Logan already found out. (Damn you, internet. Damn you and your lack of timing.) As did most of Dalton. The only reaction he got from Derek was a raised eyebrow to which he replied to with a shrug. There were no questions because, well, Derek already knew.<p>

Logan, on the other hand, well, he tried his best to not find out how the Prefect reacted to all of this. In fact, he tried his best to not see the other boy at all. He knows that Logan wouldn't believe those rumors but he also knew that they were enough for Logan to start thinking.

And if he started thinking, he would start doubting. And if he started doubting, he would start thinking about Julian's actions towards his past flings. Logan wasn't stupid and if Derek caught on, well, now Logan would too. After all, there wasn't really any pretense when he left for shoots whenever Logan found someone new. But Julian still held onto the hope that Logan would remain oblivious as always, even though this opened a new window of opportunity for him to come clean.

He sucks, okay? He didn't want to come clean. It's stupid and pointless but he just doesn't want to.

When he and Logan finally made contact, it was at the clearing where the three of them sometimes like to hang out. Julian made no move to walk away. He knew the questions would start now and he just wanted to get over it.

Logan sat silently beside Julian and both of them didn't say a word for a few moments. Julian blew away the wisps of hair that fell in front of his eyes.

"So, you and Cameron huh?" Logan started conversationally.

Julian rolled his eyes. "You know as well as I do that that was bullshit."

"Hm." Logan went quiet for a moment. "I thought so. Never really doubted that for one second. But all these rumors got me thinking…"

"Don't hurt yourself," Julian drawled.

"…why'd you keep on running away, Jules? Why'd you keep leaving us behind?" Logan asked softly.

Julian felt his blood run cold, but not because of the question but more on the tone of Logan's voice. Logan suddenly made it sound like he was _needed_. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "There were opportunities, Lo. I couldn't just turn them down because I was at school."

"You didn't seem to have a problem doing just that before I started running after Blaine," Logan murmured. There was no trace of malice in his voice, just startling softness. "Why didn't you tell me Jules?"

"Didn't think there was a point," Julian muttered to his hands. He was tired He might as well be honest now. "Didn't think I'd have a chance."

"Of course you wouldn't have a chance!" Logan yelled as he stood up and stared down at Julian. Julian flinched, both at the sudden volume of his friend's voice and his words. He suddenly felt his chest seize up in unbearable pain. "Because you didn't let me give you one!" Julian raised his eyes in confusion. He was startled at the amount of agony painted on the other boy's face. "God, Jules. How could I possibly look at you that way when for all I knew, you were straight? I don't look at guys that don't play for my team, Julian."

Julian suddenly shrunk under Logan's gaze in shame. "To be fair, I never explicitly stated that I was straight."

"Well, you didn't exactly prove otherwise either," Logan said with a sigh as he settled back down next to Julian. "_God_, if I knew…if only I knew…you just don't understand how it feels to have one of your best friends find the need to hide his own sexuality from you."

"I didn't exactly hide it from you," Julian murmured quietly. "I just didn't make the liking boys part that obvious." He glanced over at Logan who was giving him a look of incredulity. "I'm sorry," Julian said meekly. He didn't know why he was being so pliant. He was supposed to defend himself for Christ's sake.

"I'm sorry too," Logan said softly. Julian glanced at him at the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry I can't magically reciprocate your feelings right now. You just…I just need time to properly process all of this."

Julian fiddled with his fingers, trying to ignore the hope that was growing in his chest. Maybe he had a chance.

They both remained quiet yet again, reveling in the short amount of peace they were experiencing right now. After a few moments, Logan startled Julian by nudging the brunet's shoulder with his own.

Julian looked at Logan questioningly and found himself sighing in relief as he saw the tentative smile on the other boy's face. Julian nudged him back as he let the grateful smile form on his lips.

He most definitely had a chance.

* * *

><p><strong>AN** :So I left it at a sort of hopeful note? And the last "time" Julian lets his guard down is when he didn't deny Logan's accusations, in case you were wondering.


End file.
